Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
