Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
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