you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
