I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
