the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
