Having a random hookup so left but love u
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
