weddingsv make me drug and hornr
my shit smells like andre
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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