i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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