Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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