i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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