I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
