If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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