how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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