Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
