Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
