I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
