After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
