I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
