can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
