i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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