I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
