Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
