someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
