My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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