i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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