somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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