Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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