I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
