he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize