u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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