Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
