I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
