I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
