Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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