Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Randomize
