I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
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