i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Two words: nipple clamps
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