She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
