A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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