3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
