My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
