Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
