He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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