you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
