@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
