I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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