my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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