"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize