He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
