I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
