Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
