i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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