hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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