how can u be prego again
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
