Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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