I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
