Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
