Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
