watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
