you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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