i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
