Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
