i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
