im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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