that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
