sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
