I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize