he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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