u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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